Adults on the Spectrum and Relationship Vulnerability
Scams, manipulative friendships, and unhealthy relationships can affect anyone. For autistic and other neurodivergent adults, however, certain traits and circumstances can increase the risk. Many people on the spectrum value honesty, fairness, and loyalty, qualities that make them excellent friends and partners. Those same strengths can sometimes be exploited in parasocial (one-sided) or pseudopersonal relationships: connections that feel close but lack true reciprocity. When these relationships are exploitative, they may appear supportive or affectionate on the surface, yet the underlying dynamic is manipulative and ultimately harmful. In a recent survey of 426 autistic adults from Sarah Griffiths and her colleagues at the University of Cambridge 48% reported that they have been triggered or pressured into giving someone money or possessions, significantly more than neurotypical adults (see the reference below).
Social Understanding and Connection. Autistic adults often experience social cues differently, which can make it harder to detect hidden motives or subtle signs of deception. Someone who appears unusually warm or attentive may seem trustworthy at first, even when their intentions are not. This is not a flaw. Many autistic people approach relationships with openness and sincerity, expecting the same in return, and in most situations this is a strength. The difficulty arises when others take advantage of that good faith. Compared to neurotypical adults, who may more readily notice subtle indicators of dishonesty, autistic adults may be at greater risk of missing those cues, which contributes to their vulnerability.
Loneliness and Integrity. Loneliness plays a major role. Research consistently shows higher rates of isolation among autistic adults. When someone is longing for friendship or intimacy, it can make them more willing to overlook red flags. Another factor is a strong sense of fairness and integrity. Many neurodivergent people hold themselves to high ethical standards and assume others do the same. Scammers often exploit this by presenting themselves as trustworthy or principled until they have gained influence, money, or control.
Some common situations include:
Romance scams that begin online, where an apparent partner eventually asks for money or favors.
Exploitative friendships in which one person repeatedly takes without giving.
Workplace manipulation where a colleague pressures a neurodivergent coworker into carrying an unfair burden.
What the Research Shows. Although still under-studied, emerging research suggests autistic adults are more vulnerable to deception and exploitation. Studies point to differences in lie detection, higher reported rates of being taken advantage of, and the role of loneliness in shaping relational risk. At the same time, other research highlights protective factors such as the effectiveness of autistic peer-to-peer support.
For providers, this means considering not only mental health but also relational safety. For families, it underscores the importance of striking a balance between respecting independence and offering support.
For Neurodivergent Adults
Write a list of qualities of good friendships and check in with this list when making connections online.
Learn to recognize warning signs such as secrecy, sudden requests for money, or pressure to act quickly.
Build a trusted “sounding board” of friends, family, or professionals who can help reality-check new relationships.
Remember that wanting connection is a human need. Being targeted by a scam does not reflect weakness.
Online resource for autistic adults about Autism and Online Safety from Spectrum Generations and the Maine Department of Public Safety:
For Providers
Practice neurodivergent-affirming care that validates the need for connection while teaching practical safety skills.
Use Motivational Interviewing to explore concerns about relationships without judgment.
Work on relational literacy by role-playing, reviewing online safety practices, and processing warning signs together.
Support from Families and Allies
Keep communication open and free of judgment. Shaming often pushes people into secrecy.
Encourage participation in affirming communities, whether neurodivergent peer groups or interest-based clubs.
Offer perspective when something feels off, while respecting autonomy.
Model healthy boundaries and fairness in your own relationships.
Summary. The vulnerability of autistic and neurodivergent adults to manipulative or exploitative relationships is not a matter of weakness. It reflects a desire for connection in a world where some people take advantage of trust. With awareness, supportive relationships, and affirming care, neurodivergent adults can protect themselves while continuing to pursue the friendships and intimacy they deserve. Families, providers, and communities each have a role to play in building safer, more supportive networks.
References for Further Reading